National Treasure: Portrait of Stephen Trailer
by BG Sparrow
Summary: Full Explanation Inside. I just go wind of this challenge thing and had to contribute... Somewhat of a spoof crossover between National Treasure and the Colbert Report because of his recent segments involving NT. I had to!


**Alright, so I was just browsing this section while working on stuff for my sequel to Another Clue, and apparently there's some sort of NT3 trailer challenge going on that I wasn't aware of. And, for any of you that are Stephen Colbert fans out there and have watched the Colbert Report recently, you know that ****Stpehen**** is doing a segment spoof called 'National Treasure: Portrait of Stephen' where he tries to have his painting put in the Smithsonian and National Gallery. Well, seeing as they are two of my favorite things, I have to contribute a spoof/ crossover trailer… It's just too funny. I also made a movie poster for 'Portrait of Stephen (when the segment started last Thursday),' and I'll have the link in my profile. ****So yeah, I'm making fun of the segment and I guess this contest, but not in a mean way.**

**Disclaimer: LET IT BE KNOWN BEFORE ANYONE REPORTS ME THAT I AM NOT USING STEPHEN COLBERT THE PERSON. I AM USING STEPHEN COLBERT THE CHARACTER, THE MAN THAT IS PORTAYED ON CAMERA ON THE COLBERT REPORT. I AM NOT BREAKING ANY RULES REGARDING USE OF CELEBRITIES. **

* * *

INT. COLBERT REPORT STUDIO – NIGHT

AUDIENCE is cheering loudly as STEPHEN COLBERT sits behind his DESK.

STEPHEN  
(points to camera)  
You know my guests tonight because they're filthy stinkin' rich!  
(small voice, pleading look) Richer than me!

AUDIENCE laughs.

STEPHEN  
Please welcome the Old American Treasures You've Never Heard Of But We'll Find It Eventually With Our Super Historical Skills Inc. trio, Benjamin Gates, Abigail Chase, and Riley Poole!

CUT TO:

INT. COLBERT REPORT STUDIO – NIGHT

Stephen is seated at the head of his GUEST TABLE with BEN and ABIGAIL to the right and RILEY on the left.

STEPHEN  
(referring to a paper)  
So you've discovered the Templar Treasure, El Dorado... Some say you've already discovered Atlantis…  
(looks between the three of them with a serious look)_Have_ you discovered Atlantis? Because Page 47 is buzzing all over my Internetz, Mr. Gates. I've seen it.

AUDIENCE laughs with BEN, ABIGAIL, and RILEY.

BEN  
(mock offense)  
Riley, you told them!

RILEY  
(makes face of indifference)  
He did promote my book last time I was here... It seemed like a fair trade! Secret government information for book sales? You can't go wrong!

STEPHEN  
(points at BEN and ABIGAIL)  
See, your lackey's been on my show before.  
(taps pen to his temple)  
He knows.

AUDIENCE laughter FADES OUT TO BLACK

TITLE:  
EVERY INTERVIEW IS THE SAME

CUT TO:

INT. COLBERT REPORT STUDIO – NIGHT

STEPHEN  
(leans forward on table earnestly)  
So… What _are _you going to discover next?

ABIGAIL  
(nonchalantly)  
Oh well, you know, it's always so hard to _decide._

AUDIENCE chuckles.

ABIGAIL  
Atlantis? Roanoke? Vikings?

RILEY  
(nods to BEN and ABIGAIL)  
We got a call about the Holy Grail being under the Hollywood sign yesterday, I don't know if you guys are up to that or not…

BEN  
(laughs)  
Sorry. Roanoke called us first.

FADE OUT TO BLACK.

AUDIENCE laughter continues but is abruptly cut short-

LOUD GUNFIRE and SCREAMS are heard.

BEN  
(V.O., shouting)  
MOVE!

TITLE:  
EXCEPT THIS ONE

CUT TO:

INT. COLBERT REPORT STUDIO – NIGHT

The GUEST TABLE is turned over as GUNFIRE continues. BEN, ABIGAIL, STEPHEN, and RILEY are ducking behind the table as the AUDIENCE panics.

STEPHEN  
(covering his head, shouting)  
What the hell's going on?!

CUT TO:

IAN  
(standing over BEN, ABIGAIL, STEPHEN, and RILEY. Raises gun).  
Hello, Mr. Colbert.

CUT TO:

RILEY and STEPHEN cowering against overturned table.

RILEY  
(visibly gulps)

BLACK OUT.

CUT TO:

INT. J. EDGAR HOOVER FBI BUILDING – DAY

PETER SADUSKY and BEN leaning over a desk.

SADUSKY  
(points to map)

CUT TO:

INT. SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTE MUSEUM – NIGHT

RILEY, STEPHEN, and ABIGAIL all in evening wear round a corner swiftly. STEPHEN is carrying a golden statuette.

SADUSKY  
(V.O.)  
He knows where you are.

CUT TO:INT. EMPTY SUBWAY CAR – DAY

IAN stands with a gun to STEPHEN's head as ABIGAIL, RILEY, and BEN stand opposite them with STEPHEN'S PORTRAIT looking distressed.

IAN  
I will get what I want, Ben.

STEPHEN  
(apprehensively under IAN's tight grip)  
Uh? Sir? Sorry to interrupt. You're wrinkling my suit.

CUT TO:

EXT. MARDI GRAS PARTY – NIGHT

SADUSKY  
(V.O. cnt'd)  
You've only got so many chances before he gets to you --

BEN, ABIGAIL, and STEPHEN hiding behind a set of bushes and shrubs while examining the frame of STEPHEN'S PORTRAIT.

BEN  
(running finger along symbols etched into the back of the portrait's frame)  
Heiroglyphics.

CUT TO:

INT. VAN – NIGHT

IAN and MEN loading guns and carrying boxes of dynamite into sewer under that lead under JEFFERSON MEMORIAL.

CUT TO:

INT. COLBERT REPORT STUDIO PARKING GARAGE – NIGHT

STEPHEN dives out of the way of a car speeding towards him.

CUT TO:

EXT. EMPIRE STATE BUILDING OBSERVATORY – NIGHT

BEN and RILEY move a block of cement and reveal a small trinket box inset with emeralds and sapphires. STEPHEN and ABIGAIL stand at the corner of the observatory with a watchful eye.

BEN  
(placing trinket box in coat pocket)  
Got it.

SADUSKY  
(V.O. cnt'd)  
-- and he isn't going to play nice anymore.

STEPHEN and ABIGAIL follow BEN and RILEY around the corner to go back into the building. One of IAN'S MEN appears around the corner and raises gun at them.

FADE OUT.

Sound of GUNSHOT.

TITLE:  
THIS SUMMER

CUT TO:

INT. COLBERT REPORT STUDIO FIREPLACE – NIGHT

STEPHEN issues to his PORTRAIT above the FIREPLACE.

STEPHEN  
(talking to AUDIENCE)  
Nation, if a picture is worth a thousand words –

CUT TO:

INT. SMITHSONIAN INSTITUE MUSEUM – NIGHT

RILEY hands a YOUNG WOMAN in a gold gown a glass of champagne.

CUT TO:

EXT. WASHINGTON REFLECTING POOL – DAY

IAN and BEN shaking hands.

CUT TO:

EXT. SHIP DECK - NIGHT

ABIGAIL, SADUSKY, and STEPHEN quickly lean over the side of the ship with wide eyes.

CUT TO:

EXT. PATRICK GATES RESIDENCE – NIGHT

PATRICK and EMILY open front door, shocked to see BEN, ABIGAIL, and RILEY holding up a wounded STEPHEN in a downpour of rain.

CUT TO:

INT. TRINITY CHURCH – DAY

STEPHEN kneels at altar and bows his head to pray.

CUT TO:

EXT. JEFFERSON MEMORIAL – NIGHT

JEFFERSON MEMORIAL explodes.

CUT TO:

INT. ELEVATOR – DAY

BEN holds gun up to IAN's face. RILEY is stunned while STEPHEN nods approvingly.

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET – DAY

ABIGAIL and BEN running while handcuffed.

CUT TO:

EXT. BRIDGE – NIGHT

A CAR flies off the BRIDGE mid-air.

CUT TO:

INT. EMPIRE STATE BUILDING – NIGHT

IAN turns a page in a book and lifts a curious eyebrow.

CUT TO:

INT. DARK ROOM – NIGHT

BEN, STEPHEN, RILEY, and ABIGAIL look up as a bright beam of light is cast onto them from a door being opened. IAN's silhouette appears in the light.

BLACK OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. COLBERT REPORT STUDIO FIREPLACE – NIGHT

STEPHEN standing at FIREPLACE.

STEPHEN  
(cnt'd)  
-- then my portrait is worth its weight in gold, times the mass of the Earth.

CUT TO:

TITLE:  
NATIONAL TREASURE  
PORTRAIT OF STEPHEN

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET – DAY

BEN, ABIGAIL, RILEY, and STEPHEN are panting after a long run. STEPHEN looks over at the OTHERS incredulously.

STEPHEN  
This is how you sick-minded freaks treasure hunt?!

BEN, ABIGAIL, and RILEY give him looks.

STEPHEN  
This isn't _fun!_ I'm _sweating!_

CUT TO:

TITLE:  
JULY 4, 2008

FADE OUT TO BLACK.

* * *

**For those of you who didn't recognize the way I have it set up - I wrote it in actual Script Form, and it's not too hard to read. V.O. is Voice Over, INT. is Interior, EXT. is Exterior... no so hard, but sorry if it totally threw you off. Link to the poster is in my profile, and yeah, I actually think it'd be quite humorous if this happened (even in the fanfic world). Maybe after One MoreClue I can work on it! Well, I'm going to expect very little feedback for this because of its sheer strangeness, but that's okay! I enjoy a challegne every once in a while! Kudos to whoever though it up!**

**Drop a line if you wish! Thanks for reading!**


End file.
